sometimes God sends manna, other times he sends carne asada but he ALWAYS sends something.
After this crazy incredible first week of absolute MIRACLES and beauty and happiness and joy and also lots of learning, it's only natural that Satan would creep in and make me feel anything but a desire to do the things that lead to us being successful, feeling peace in our hearts and loving people.
I feel like my entire mission, (aside from being lots of really beautiful blessings and miracles without number, really) has been this giant battle between me and the adversary, between my hearts desire and my super weak flesh made weaker by his fiery darts. That I don't want to, but I'm forced in some way to give him a place to grow in my heart and even when I repent and try to be better, the weeds just enter right back in. And that's not a very fun way to live, and also not a very accountable way to live, and oftentimes not a very effective way to do missionary work because when we feel down, the work is not going to magically go up.
In other words, until this weekend, even this morning, I didn't really learn what The Lord actually meant when He told us that we were "free to choose".
We can choose to be happy! We can choose to tell Satan to get behind us. We can decide to decide today that no matter what happens we will go to The Lord in prayer and be filled with peace. He's so incredible! And helps us to choose the better part when we let Him.
We saw lots of people this week choose lots of different things.
C, an investigator that has been coming to church, attending soccer every week, and reading in The Book of Mormon decided that he didn't really have a desire to know if this was true and that he was basically just done. And my heart was broken and I blamed myself, like if I had been a better missionary or something than he would continue to progress and I was sooooo bummed. We had fasted and prayed and role played and worked to receive revelation to help him, but in the end it was his choice and it obviously isn't his time, even though I wish with all my heart and soul that it was.
Also, we were so beautifully led to find this AWESOMELY prepared lady and her husband. We gave her a card, set up a return appt. with them and when we went back, she had searchedmormon.org late into the night, had all sorts of questions, and opened up to us that she had been feeling like something was missing. They grew up together in a church that has changed it's doctrine with a new pastor and they are really family oriented and everything was perfect. But when we went back for our return appointement, A met us at the door and told us that they were not interested and that we shouldn't come back. And.. okay, #ouch. Choices, ya know?
But, on a happy note! J, right? Hispanic hercules? We had a lesson with him at the church building and he dressed up because he read in the pamphlet that that's how we show respect when we go to church and he started crying during the OPENING SONG and told us about how he chose to not be mean to us like he does to everyone else that knocks on his door because he felt the same feeling that makes him cry during lessons when he saw us for the first time. He is completely choosing to let the spirit fill his life! It's incredible.
But not ten minutes after the lesson with C a member called us to tell us that she was headed to our house with freshly baked bread. And also, our neighbor Al asked us to come over and read the scriptures with him and then ended our week with preparing little carne asada plates for us and it's the little things like that. I don't know lots of things, but I KNOW he loves us. And sometimes His tender mercies come in the form of food and beautiful angel people that are just so GOOD. I don't know if this email made any sense at all, but idk.Life's alright. And when we choose to let Him in, it's wonderful! :)
Love you all so mucho!
Hermana Yost
No comments:
Post a Comment